Teen Angst: Losing "It"...What Happens After You Lose Your Virginity
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Okay, You’ve Lost Your Virginity
What Next?
It's a big misconception that losing your virginity means you'll always be sexually active with:
- Your last sexual partner
- The next person you're in a casual or serious relationship with
- All future dates or hook ups
Put those lies to bed, and live by this:
You still own Your body... and you can use it as YOU please.
Celebrate the fact you can choose all of your future sexual partners without pressure or guilt, because everybody ( including you ) runs their own show.
First: Shake off any resentment about losing your virginity.
A lot of people dwell on past mistakes, especially when it comes to sex.
Don't fall into the shame and sorrow circuit.
What's done is done . . . live and learn . . . consider yourself a minute older and wiser . . . then move on.
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Get Things Back In Order
Whether you decide to reclaim your sexuality, slow down the sexual progression of the relationship, or had a great experience and want more . . . remember . . . realistically, sex, even in its most basic forms, like back room make out sessions, can change our emotional bond to another person.
This is important information because your first sexual partner may have feelings toward you, even if it's only along the caveman level of . . . "Me did it, and Me want more."
And . . . they will try to get more, but if sex is not what you want, stand firm in a nice way.
Anything less than firm will send the signal you can be persuaded to change your mind.
~ Being Firm In A Nice Way Means:
- never saying you're sorry.
- looking the person in the eye.
~ Know The Power of Words
- I think means your decision is on the table.
- I thought means the decision has been made.
- Not sure can mean uncertainty .
- Maybe means you could be persuaded.
Here's our friend, Alex, not being firm and projecting uncertainty:
Alex stared at the floor. "I'm really sorry. I don't think I'm ready for sex, and I'm not sure I want to do it again. Maybe one day we can try this again. Are you sure you're not mad?"
Here's Alex being firm:
Alex looked Jamie in the eyes. "I really thought I was ready to have sex, but now I know I wasn't. I want to take things slow from now on."
Survival
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If Jamie is okay with Alex's wishes, it would be nice to praise Jamie's support with something like,
"Thanks for being understanding."
Now, Take Some Time To Think About What You Want In Life
Sex comes with a whole lot of emotional and physical baggage.
If you decide to continue being sexually active . . . or not, it's best to have a plan so you don't get caught empty handed.
Condoms are the safest bet around.
They come in all sizes, fun colors, and textures.
They are the only method of birth control that prevents sexually transmitted diseases that can:
kill you,
make you crazy,
and or make your skin crawl.
These are just some of the complications of AIDS, Syphilis, And Herpes.
And guys and girls... oral sex without a condom/barrier does not prevent any of the above diseases, all it would take is an open wound or sore in the hot spots.
Condoms also prevent pregnancy. They're an all around best friend.
Beyond condom use are other methods best discussed with a physician.
It's also best to bring your parents into the picture. Yes it's hard, but watch for the Teen Angst series on ways to communicate with them. You can do it.
Until then, take your time, and trust your instincts.
If being with someone feels wrong, then it wasn't meant to be for now.
When it feels right, you will know it.
CommentsLoading...
this article was very helpful and blunt about the situation i think that anyone who has resentment about their fisrt time should read this.
Lisa, I'm sorry I didn't see this sooner. There is not a lot of detail here. I'm assuming you're in physical pain in the rectal area.
I suggest asking mom or a trusted adult to bring you too the doctor. You are old enough to ask to speak to the doctor in private. If mom insist, try getting in touch with your doctor by phone. It's very important for your health since serious complications can happen, don't delay if you're still having problems.
Im a 15 year old and lost it the beginning of this year =(. I wish I could of heard this before anything happened. I regret it sooo bad now and just trying to move on from it. Teenagers need to hear this moreee. Especially girls.
-i love chicken noddle soup series
i dont want anyone to know my name because im afraid on of my friends might came along and read this. but that article helped me ALOT bc i just lost my virginity about one and a half hours ago. this helped methe most out of what ive read.
good advice. I think teens could benefit from this, we always hear a lot of advice on contraception, it's very out in the open - which is great - but the emotional side isn't covered as well. obviously every individual deals with things in their own way but those who have a hard time about it would probably benefit from something like this.
I'm 13 an just lost it to a 19 year old.... As long sperm never goes close to my vagina am I safe from getting pregnat????
I hurt an I currently have a uti infection.
There is always a small amount of semen (the fluid that carries sperm) at the tip of the penis before ejaculation. There is enough sperm in that drop of semen to get you pregnant.
That drop can make contact with the opening of the vagina and cause pregnancy during foreplay (fooling around before actually inserting the penis) or if "pulling out" is practiced (when a guy THINKS he can pull out before ejaculating.)
Getting pregnant is a matter of timing, not a simple matter of sperm making it into the vagina. There are "morning after" contraceptives you can discuss with an adult or possibly a pharmacist if you are worried. But these need to be taken asap.
Try to be optimistic that you are not pregnant, but be realistic and watch for signs of either pregnancy or STDs in the coming weeks and months. In other words, don't make yourself sick with worry, but don't ignore symptoms because you will have to deal with whatever comes up.
Anything can be dealt with and overcome when you're honest with yourself and the people who "really" love you, parents especially.
You have a UTI because of the trauma inflicted on your body. Understand that if sex hurts, you were not prepared or ready, mentally or physically.
Give yourself time to heal because sex with a UTI (even when the symptoms have diminished)can lead to a worsening infection.
During this time do some thinking. Was it really worth the pain and worry? Your health and happiness is way more valuable than a guy's physical pleasure. You're not a toy.
Hopefully, you'll have slipped by unaffected this time. But as a guideline, if a guy isn't respectful enough to wear a condom for your peace of mind and safety then he's not worthy of your time or affection.
I wish you well Anon.
I just lost my virginity about a couple hours ago, and he wore a condom and we made sure he didn't ejaculate. How big of a chance that I could have gotten pregnant?
Everleigh...if the condom was used properly, you have nothing to worry about. But, please never, ever leave it to chance that a man can or will not ejaculate.
If anything, he may have tried with all his will not to just to prove to you he can so that next time you may trust him enough to go without a condom. Don't play roulette with your body.
*hugs* Be safe:)
i wish i found tis tree years ago because now i am 19 and i think i may be pregnet with my second child! the first was a miss carriage! and now i wish i lessoned to my foster mother and stayed out of the streets at knight, i hope a lot of young women learn from my mastakes and others around them! LADIES YOUR VIRGINITY IS ONE THING YOU SHOULD REALLY CARE ABOUT SO NOT LET ANY ONE TAKE THAT! IF A BOY OR MAN TELLS YOU HE LOVES YOU HE IS JUST TRYING TO GET SOME TRUST YOUR HEART NOT YOUR HORMONES....
HAVE A NICE DAY
I Lose My Virginity To My First Love...He is My First Everything...When I Lose My Virginity 2 Him It Hurt Really Bad I Had 2 Make Him Stop...2 Time It Felt Good...Third Time BAM! Amazing...I Did Bleed A Little But I Still Felt Like I Should Of Keep My Virginity
i lost mine a few months ago and i regret it. i am 14 going on 15 and she is 16 going on 17 we nevr tlked again and im kinda glad because i know i shouldnt have lost it to her wat do i say to her?
If you're glad you're not talking, then you don't have to say anything. If you feel emotionally hurt, know that the feeling will pass in time.
Don't waste time on "shouldn't have" . Look forward to the day you find someone you really care for then show them the respect this girl didn't give you.
leezj17 4 years ago
Very interesting article. Please check out my article related to this issue. I am going to become a fan. Please check out my hub and I hope you are a fan as well. I am a fellow nurse and I am an avid reader of all the Chicken soup series.